Obviously as I have gotten older, I have forgotten more and more of my childhood. Since my dad died, I have looked at pictures and tried to recall things, but seeing the video yesterday, I realized that I have forgotten so much more than I thought I had.
Seeing Steve Zammit again was a real treat. Of all my dad's students that became friends, Steve was always my favorite. I have always related to Steve really well. He got me my first restaurant job at Delphines in Ann Arbor at the Sheraton Hotel. Talking to him was really cool after all these years. He has an amazing sense of humor, and is such a genuinely good person. We found out that we had a mutual friend in Ken Shannon which I think I may have known before but forgotten. I was able to introduce him to Kat, and they connected really well over mechanical engineering. Seeing Gary Talbot, Uncle Dean, Mrs Dubin, and Mrs Hiss again was really nice. I had a sad feeling that it was nice to see these people, but I may never see any of them again.
Having Steve start the presentation was a perfect way to begin. Steve and Gary were two of my dads closest friends, and Steve has been around longer, so it fit that he went first. When Steve started talking about the SAAB that my dad had and how he had one sitting out front, a flood of memories came to me. My dad loved that car, and I can vaguely remember him giving me rides to nursery school in that car. I remember loving that car, but my mom hated it. I am not sure if she hated it just because it was a stick shift or if there was some other reason. The next two cars we had were sticks as well, so I would have thought if that were the only reason, they would have gotten cars with automatic transmissions.
There were so many things that Steve mentioned about my dad and their relationship that made me smile. The story about bringing in a six pack of beer and my dad with a beer in one hand and a stick of chalk in the other while teaching the last day of spring class really made me happy to think of. It reminded me of a spring physics class I took at WCC where we had beer while taking our final. Steve made the comment that my dad was never Bruce to him, it was always professor Karnopp, and that he called him that out of extreme respect. It made me think of something that my dad once said about respect being something you earn, and my dad really did earn the title of professor.
When Steve talked about Carol's wedding where he and his wife did a dual service of renewing their vows with my mom and dad, it made me realize how long Steve had been in my dads and my life. The wedding seems like such a recent memory, but it was over 15 years ago. Steve said that he went to U of M between 1980-85 which means I met him when I was 13 or 14. Watching Steve tear up at the loss of such a long time friend made me realize there was so much more to my father as a professor than I realized. My dads job was so much more than just a job, he really connected with his students, and they really loved him for everything he did for them.
When Dean got up to speak it was a little surreal. He made the comment that it was a little unnerving to have a memorial for professor Karnopp when he is also referred to as professor Karnopp, but the same could be said about watching him speak. Dean and my father look very similar, sound very similar, and also have a lot of the same mannerisms. I never knew Dean. He visited once or twice when I was young, and I have seen him a few times as an adult, but always very briefly. My dad would tell stories about him as a kid, but there was always kind of a separation in the description where they just weren't as close as you would expect. There was however, never a negative word about his brother or any of his family for that matter.
I think Dean's talk about my dad really explained their relationship very well. Time and Space worked against them throughout their lives. At four years apart, they really weren't in the same place at the same time either physically or emotionally. His comments made me think about my relationship with Carol and how we were three years apart. We had some time together in Elementary school, but after that, were never in the same place at the same time. The interesting thing about my dad and deans life was that even though they were never in the same place at the same time, they both had the same trajectory for their education and career. Deans life was a little more exciting than my dads, but I think having a special needs child played into that a bit.
There was a little confusion between Gary and Carol about who was to talk next, but Carol took over and did a nice remembrance of her father and family life. Her relationship was so much different than mine. She worked so hard to please my dad, and I worked so hard to show my independence. We both wanted him to be proud of us, and I am sure that Carol succeeded much better than I did. I know my dad was proud of me for who I became, but I caused him a lot more stress getting there than Carol did. Carol did a great job speaking, and I know my father would have been very proud of her for that. She isn't the shy little girl that she used to be.
There was some jostling back and forth with the video, but they decided Gary should speak first. I have known Gary for a long time, but he came into the picture after I was out of the house, so I didn't have the same kind of relationship with him that I did with Steve, but I heard about him all the time from my dad. When my dad got sick, Gary and Forrest communicated a lot more than I did, and I think they created a special bond in the process. It was interesting hearing Gary describe his childhood in Ann Arbor and how he got to the U of M after being a mechanic. I knew a lot of this about him from my dad, and I had known him when he was a student, but hearing more details was really nice.
When Gary described his first meeting of my dad, I really started to tear up. He had gone back to school at WCC and transferred to U of M, and my dad came up him and and asked him what he was doing there. He hassled him a little bit in a way that I could so easily imagine, then gave him his card and told him to come and see him. Gary waited a couple of hours feeling self conscious and out of place, but finally made his way to my dads office. He said my dad talked him about his history and really got to know him over several hours. Then he told him to go to his classes, do the best he can, and when he is struggling, which he would struggle, come back and see him. He did what my dad said, and my dad helped him get through. He said my dad wanted to see him make the effort, but once he did, he went out of his way to help him succeed. That was my dad in a nutshell.
One of Gary's comments that really hit home with me was when he was talking about my dad referring to him as a non traditional student. Gary had always thought that he was referring to him that way because he was in a wheelchair, but when he asked him about it once, my dad just looked at him and said, that has nothing to do with it, you're non traditional just because you are old. Gary talked about how much my dad did to encourage other non traditional students. Steve was another non traditional student who had worked in a steel mill then went to EMU to get his grades up and then went to U of M. I think my dad really liked teaching people who had real stories to tell before coming to the University. I think he had a lot of respect for them and knew how much work it really is to make changes like that in a persons life.
The video Carol put together was really cool. There were so many pictures of things that I didn't remember. I had completely forgotten about the photography club my dad had done at St. Pauls Elementary School, and there were so many pictures that I didn't even know existed. I lost so many of my pictures from film when I moved into my house and the basement flooded, and I didn't get a digital camera until 1998, so there are so many years that I just didn't have much of. I'm sure there are some in the box that grandma sent over with Forrest, but I haven't had a chance to go through them at all. Unfortunately it was just a bin full of packets of pictures. There were no labels, no dates, and nothing to identify them. It was funny that Carol mentioned the Doors as that was one of my dad's favorite bands which seemed so out of character compared to everything else he liked. It was really a beautiful video and a wonderful tribute to our father.
I didn't know the next speakers who went up and told stories of interactions with my dad. I did really enjoy the one where my dad joked with a colleague about putting a sensor on the toilets in the bathroom to measure who would be able to fill the chair of the department. I had to glance at Forrest because he has definitely inherited a lot of his Grandpa's toilet humor. Kat kept squeezing my hand nudging me to go up and talk. I was about to when Steve called on someone else. My heart was beating in my chest because I was loosing my nerve at this point. I hadn't prepared anything, and I am not good at speaking off the cuff. I thought I could pull some things from memory from my letter that I posted on my blog right after his death, but that was going to be a stretch. The next speaker mentioned a story where my dad had been working on his dishwasher, and rather than go to the basement to find the breaker, decided to short the circuit with a screwdriver to kill the power. The really funny part of the story was when my dad described the chunk of metal missing from the tip of the screwdriver as a result of the arc and how he decided to return it to Sears and get a replacement. My dad did love Craftsman tools, and although he may have returned that particular screwdriver, there were a number of them in his set with the tell tale chunk missing with the rough carbon pattern.
After hearing about the dishwasher, I knew I had to be next. I walked to the podium, and I cant remember whether I used the mic or not. I am not much of a public speaker, and the adrenaline coursing through my veins made the entire event seem like a dream where I am trying to recall the memories. I remember introducing myself and telling everyone that I was the more challenging kid. I explained that I had to come up after the last speaker because I had just been doing wiring around my house the week before, and my girlfriend had insisted that I not work with live wires. I had used pliers and the ground wire to short the circuit, but the effect was the same. Hearing the story about my dad reminded me of all the things like that I had learned from him. I described how we did things like that together. Then I mentioned my paper route and how he had taken it over after Steve got me the job at the Sheraton because it was cash money. I told the story of how one time we were talking after delivering papers and he told me he didn't know what I was going to do with my life, and that I hadn't taken the path he would have liked, but he knew whatever I put my mind to, I would do it well and be successful. I mentioned how I have always remembered those words and I used them with my own son when he graduated high school.
I also mentioned in there somewhere how Carol had done things the way he would have wanted and how well she had done. I think at that point I thanked everyone for coming and returned to my seat. I know my eyes were starting to tear up, and I don't think I could have said much more without losing my composure. When I sat down, Kat squeezed my hand and told me how proud of me she was. I sat there thinking of all the things I would have liked to have said, but I guess I said what was most important.
I was a little disappointed that my mom didn't say anything. It would have been nice if she could have mentioned something about the man that she was married to for over 50 years. I tried to sit next to her during the service, but she got up and went to sit next to her handyman. I can't even imagine how someone could have such hatred for their own son that they would avoid sitting next to their own son in favor of someone they paid to be their friend. I have a lot of resentment toward this man who got all of my dads tool, cameras, furniture and a significant amount of money. Of course he is nice to her and agrees with everything she says, he has taken over my spot in the family. It is actually her loss. After the server the entire family except for my mom were sitting outside because she had to spend time with Mark. My dad loved his family more than anything and he would never have allowed this.
After the service a woman came over to me and told me she used to work with my dad when I had my restaurant. She said her husband had been trying to start a bakery at around the same time, and my dad used to share emails from me about the restaurant. She mentioned my last email where I had said goodbye to my customers and tried to analyze the mistakes that were made. She said my dad was always so proud of me and talked about me all the time. That really made me feel good. Mrs Hiss stopped by to tell me how sorry she was that my dad had passed, and she mentioned how when I was young my dad had made a ribbon board for her daughter Meredith just like the one he made for me.
After hanging out with Carol, Holden, and John for a little while, we helped Carol carry stuff to her car. We waved them off, then Kat and I along with Forrest and Sarah walked over to Knights restaurant and had a wonderful meal together. It was kind of a somber time together, but we shared stories and commented on how our family might come back together now that Carol and Holden live nearby. I am sure that rebuilding our family would be the one thing my dad would want more than anything.
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